Saturnine Child

How did the rose ever open its heart and give to this world all its beauty? It felt the encouragement of light against it’s being, otherwise we all remain too frightened. ~Hafiz

I love the above quote by Hafiz. Isn't it so true that fear can take over lives, preventing us from doing amazing things? I have fought against this my whole life, and unfortunately fear has won out too many times. Especially in my younger years, I often found myself living a fear-based life...letting my fear of trying something new stop me in my tracks. This was especially true in the creative side of things...I would stop myself on a creative path when the feelings of fear and insecurity took over. Was I any good? How dare I think I could actually be successful at this? And I would stop. The only thing that brought me was regret. My spirit became diminished and sad. As I got older, it finally clicked that I needed to nourish this part of myself, no matter what. I needed to silence that voice in my head telling me I wouldn't succeed. And I needed to even question what success was. Most of all, I needed to comfort that "sad little girl" inside of me and help her believe she could do whatever she set her mind to, and that she should go easy on herself. Poetry helped me write about these fearful times...I could write the fear out; express it, so that it lost some of its power. It was therapeutic and releasing. I wish everyone knew how satisfying poetry can be...it's truly a creative outlet, just like visual art is. To turn pain into something rhythmic and beautiful on paper...it's freeing. Today, I feel like that rose up there...slowly blooming, comforted by the light inside me that tells me, through the fear, that I can. And that light? It's my sad little girl, transformed, and now offering me encouragement when my steps falter.

ALIVE

Sad little girl
Inside my gray mind
Your memories float
In a colorless sky
Play with my yearnings
Toss wildly my fears
Dig up what lies buried
With no thought as to why
Your melanoid eyes
So hauntingly clear
Brim over and leak
With your mercury tears

Your heart beats with mine
The ache of it breathes
In the depths of my soul
Where the loneliness seeps
I drown in your sorrows
As you tenderly weep
I fade into your thoughts
They ashen my dreams
Stay leaden inside
My saturnine child
We’ll both disconnect
While our hands intertwine

Come here, little girl,
Why are you so lost?
Such serious thoughts
Your exuberance gone
Seep slate through my eyes
Hide deep in my bones
Seek solace in marrow
And wander through veins
Let’s bow our heads low
And cry grieving tears
To mourn your sad life
Trapped inside all these years.

© Sherri Brannon