It’s dark because you’re thinking too hard. Lightly, child, lightly. You’ve got to learn to do everything lightly. Think lightly, act lightly, feel lightly. Yes, feel lightly, even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. Lightly, lightly—it was the best advice ever given to me. Throw away all your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling. ~Aldous Huxley
I don't often talk about it (and won't), but I have a chronic pain disease I've been dealing with for a decade now. The disease I have is interstitial cystitis, and it sometimes presents itself with painful flare-ups. Many of the flares can be caused by stress, and I was feeling a lot of anticipatory stress/excitement about my trip to Ohio this weekend. Unfortunately, my disease decided to rear its ugly head the night before our flight. It roared in, laid me flat, and I had to cancel my trip.
I've spent the last few days trying not to feel overcome by disappointment - this was a trip I was very much looking forward to. It was just my daughter and I going, a mother-daughter trip to a dear friend's wedding (my daughter was the maid of honor). When my daughter set off alone on Saturday and I found myself still at home, physically ill and in my pajamas, my packed bag lying there and no longer needed, I felt such a sadness that my body/stress level had betrayed me. I felt that I had let everyone down.
Coming face to face with our limits is difficult. I hate that my body does not handle stress well. Stress takes me down too quickly - it turns physical. There's such a strong connection between the emotions we're feeling and the effect it has on our bodies...mine is super sensitive. I wish it weren't so! I've been trying to accept my disappointment over what happened and move on, but I must confess I'm feeling a bit heavy-hearted. This limit I have makes me feel weak.
How do you go about accepting your own limits? I'd love to know...I definitely need to work on being as forgiving with my own limits as I would be if it were another person dealing with this.
On a happier note, the fall leaves here are at their absolute peak right now. It is incredibly gorgeous in Virginia. I used Kim Klassen's "touch-of-1" texture on this image, at Multiply/26%.
Thank you for stopping by - have a wonderful week, OK?
My goodness Sherry, the quote from the image is just perfect from what you wrote about your illness. I don't know how to answer this as I haven't had to deal with this type of stress. I think you seem to be handling it well or as well as anyone can be expected to handle it. Sometimes that is all we can do isn't it. I really don't know you other than through your photography and you speak tons through that so I would keep speaking through the pain through it. I am so sorry you had to cancel your trip such a disappointment for you and i think you have accepted it with such grace by speaking of it through your blog and done it so well.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Sherri about this happening to you! I am not sure about the answer on how to accept our own limits. Perhaps through changing our focus to gratitude.... That is one thing that i am trying to do as My lungs seem to be more and more of an issue for me. I am trying to be in THIS MINUTE, and when I stay here... I am usually really OK. More joyful about where i am now, and not worrying about where i wish I was , or where I might be if things get worse. My Gratitude journal has been so meaningful to me. Hugs coming to you, and hope that your daughter had a great time at the wedding even though you were unable to go.
ReplyDeleteHi Sherri,
ReplyDeleteYour words and thoughts do touch my heart deeply, I've been processing the same accaptance lately (about accepting the limitations of the neck damage) ... Living with a chronic condition can be challenging - when you least expect it, it somehow "hits" you - even if you thought that you we're in control, living according to the standards required to keep healthy as it is now... And the feeling of guilt when you're unable / the pain is active - thinking that you're letting people down, at the same time being disappointed in your self - how did it go this way again ... a sort of double strain. Yet ... being in the process of learning to accept - the body with it's limitations - and strenghts - seeing things from a perspective that I'm still alive ... seing the hope and trying to find the meaning where there apparently is no meaning ... Finding hope .... So sorry you missed the trip with your daughter - you've been in her heart and thoughts for sure. Your beautiful reflections through your poetry and art speak to me and so many others ... I did not know that interstital cystitis is a part of your life - sometimes I've thought that the most beautiful art arises from very deep experiences and sensing ... Warm thoughts to you, Nina
I'm so sorry Sherri, I can only imagine the disappointment you must feel after all the anticipation. And I am so sorry you have to deal with all that pain. I deal with the sleep thief, restless legs syndrome and most times it's under control, but like you stress fuels the fire. The fatigue from endless bad nights (coupled with menopause) has been kicking my behind lately and it is so frustrating when the rest of my body and mind are ready to go off and do something. As far as accepting my own limits, hmmm, can't say I have any great words of wisdom there. But I sure hope you are feeling better soon. xo
ReplyDeleteStunning Autumn reflection.. I hope you feel better soon. We are a lot harder on ourselves then we should be and I think everyone around you completely understands and is forgiving. Just continue to work on forgiving yourself. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteLovely photo and wonderful quote! I'm sorry you had to miss the trip with your daughter and hoping that you are feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteHugs. Heartfelt words. So sorry for your disappointment. :(
ReplyDeleteBeautiful image.
I'm so sorry! I can feel your disappointment. I hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteI do love your image - how beautiful!
I can so relate to your post Sherri -- I have a stress-triggered ailment myself and it always flairs at the worst moments.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the canceled trip. I do hope you will be able to go on another with your daughter in the near future. Lovely image and edit.
Oh, Sherry! So sorry to hear about your chronic pain and your missed journey with your daughter! I do hope you've begun to feel better. As to your question ... I don't have an answer. For about two months I was having pretty bad headaches {unusual for me} and I finally went to the doctor, had an MRI, and concluded after talking with my family that it had come down to stress. Stress that I put on myself {I'm retired}. So in my case, I've been able to breathe a sigh of relief that my head is normal after all and I've worked hard to change my attitude, stop grinding my teeth, and taking a shoulders down attitude. It is helping. That might help you with stress ... but I don't know about the larger physical problem. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteBTW, I love the reflection in your photo!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you were unable to make the trip with your daughter. I hope you feel better soon. This image is incredibly beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHow disappointing for you and your daughter. It would have been such a special time. I am so sorry. I live with chronic pain too and stress COMPLETELY knocks me flat, so I understand. Am weaving around rather dizzily this week myself. A week bad enough that I actually envy you your pj's! I hope you feel better soon and that you and your daughter get to spend another weekend doing something wonderful together.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you had to cancel your trip, how disappointing. Have you ever tried yoga? It really helps with relaxing and de-stressing. Also you should be taking the Brene Brown course with us, it is so insightful, even the ones of us that are on the road to recovery (me) are learning so much!!
ReplyDeleteHey Sherri- from one super-sensitive spirit to another- I appreciate you sharing this today because I had a session with a wonderful counselor today about just this ! I am sorry you live with a debilitating condition, and would love to pray for you when it gets too much- we all need those who will hold our hands up when ours are too heavy, like Moses needed Aaron and Hur.
ReplyDeleteMy pain is emotional, and is set off at times by my very direct daughter- I have learnt today about P.T.S.D., and how something can trigger memories and send us back to the pit.
BUT GOD.
Where would I be, without His unconditional love I wonder.
May God be very present with you, as He promises: No good thing will I withhold from those who love me and are called according to my purpose. May good things rain down upon you, Sherri, in Jesus name.
So sorry to hear about your illness and having to miss your trip. I hope you start feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful fall colour image.
Sherri how horrible and upsetting for you. our bodies really do rule us , as Sarah said I am taking the Brene Brown course and I do believe it is helping. Have you tried meditation ten minutes a day ?
ReplyDeleteJUST stopping by to say that I was thinking of you, and hoping that you feel better and that your week has been ok. Posted an author on my post today that I thought you might be interested in... another wonderful poet... maybe not quite as good as you, but think you would enjoy her!
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