Today I'm linking up with Kathy's new weekly Song-ography prompt, which is such a genius idea...her song title today is "Both Sides Now", by Joni Mitchell. And boy, did her post resonate with me...she talks about motherhood and being on both sides of it now that her kids are mostly grown up. This subject matter coincided with my state of mind in a huge way because just yesterday we moved our only child into her first ever apartment.
When we gave her a final hug yesterday afternoon and walked out the door, I was stunned by my emotional response because I thought I had already dealt with this whole "empty nest" thing her freshman year. But this year is different...we moved all of the furniture out of her bedroom and took it to her apartment...her room is empty now. Her part-time job is near school, and she won't get home very often on weekends anymore because she'll be working. This is TRULY the empty nest experience, and I didn't see it coming. I thought I'd already checked it off my life list!!
As a lifetime worrier, I've become very proficient at working out every possible scenario in my head ahead of time to prepare myself for any given situation. I'm really stumped as to why my brain missed this...did it have a temporary glitch that made me miss this huge realization in advance?! All I know is, I'm caught completely off guard. Our house feels empty and my daughter's (lack of) presence can be felt everywhere.
Motherhood is both the most joyful thing I've ever experienced and also the most brutal. They don't tell you about the heartache you'll feel when it comes time to cut those final strings and let your child walk away - it's not in the rule book. (Oh wait, there is no rule book!) The picture above is a photo I took of my daughter a few weeks ago at the beach - it seems very symbolic as she walks away from the camera, looking to the vast horizon, the world at her feet.
To end this post on a hopeful note, I do take comfort in knowing this, too, shall pass...I know I'll adjust, and I know I'll be OK. It's what we Moms do. We love our children fiercely, unconditionally...and when the time comes we cut the cord and let them go with the hope that we've passed on the best of ourselves (and not too much of our worst). Today when I feel sad, I keep reminding myself of how happy my daughter is, who she's become...I feel very proud, and the love overflows. Along with a few tears!
Have you dealt with empty nest syndrome? If so, I'm sending you a tight, virtual Mom hug through the computer screen.
I have totally been where you are at, and very well remember my daughter moving off to college. She was so excited she barely said good bye. You are right though, you will adjust, and in fact, you will grow to love this new phase of your life. And then.... eventually you will have grandchildren and the cycle will start all again. There is nothing that will ever really compare to motherhood, but you have only finished the first phase. I promise!!!
ReplyDeleteSending you a hug back. I've never had that feeling even though our daughter did move out she also moved back in. You will do fine but it will take time. Love the photo of your daughter, it's very poignant.
ReplyDeleteI am just now preparing for my 3rd and last daughter to fly away off to her first year of college. Having 2 in college at the same time for the 2nd time, for one year, is no easy feat...in and of itself. But to realize that the baby is fleeing the nest, well, it is truly bittersweet. We have given her roots and now she is using her wings. She knows that she is loved! I will take deep breaths...and make some sense of my creative chaos. Aloha!
ReplyDeleteOh Sherri, it is quite the conundrum isn't it. We prepare our kids their whole life to be able to live an independent successful life. And then they have the nerve to go ahead and actually DO IT! AND...they go ahead and do it and prove that we did a great job in teaching them. Which SHOULD make us feel great, right? But it doesn't....at least not right away. I totally feel ya girlfriend. Nothing that can be said or done to ease the pain, except time to work through it...which you will :). But in the meantime, can I tell ya what an emotional and powerful photo this is? Especially given the story you just told? Certainly "Both Sides Now" isn't it. You on one side wanting her to be close and stay...and her looking the other way walking towards her future. You've done good mom :) Thanks for sharing at Song-ography this week.
ReplyDeleteMy Heart is going out to you, Sherri ... Both your Words and the Picture gave me goose pumps ... The feeling of looking at her empty room must be undescribable -such a concrete sign that she is growing up and begining to build a nest of her own - to the foundation that is being built up up to this moment... A day of sadness and a day of joy - like you write. Mother's Heart is a tender Heart ... Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI worry about this time of setting them free. I still have a few years before being in an empty nest, but my first birdie will fly in 6 years. I know it will go by in a blink. Feeling bittersweet for you, Mama!
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely picture! I am in the flip side of having very young children, but I know that before I know it they will be grown before I am ready for it!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I feel for you Sherri, my babies have left home but both live in my town, daughter I speak to most days, but son could be living at the other end of the country !!!! I know one day they will leave as they both want to travel, but in the meantime they are still close ... Hugs to you my friend.....
ReplyDeleteVirtual mom hug right back at ya! I really love this photo - There's peace and new horizons and pain and vision...all in one shot. And I've been caught off guard these last few months too. My daughter got married almost two years ago - she's near by...and settled and very happy. My son graduated from college in December and started working a pretty intense full time job in January. He was home on and off during college, and is technically home now...for financial reasons. But the difference between his communication and "dependence" now and before he graduated - well, it's like night and day! And I don't even know if he realizes it! He just got his first raise, so I'm sure he'll be out of the house soon - he's oh so ready! But this new distance (not bad emotional distance, just the right amount of good emotional distance) has literally shocked me! And we just made our first trip to Oregon (summer vacation) EVER without the kids since they were born. So...I guess we just keep adjusting - it's uncanny the way it'll sneak up on me! I'm so grateful that both kids are in a good place and that my husband and I are closer than ever...It's definitely a happy/sad, "both sides" time of life!
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I have been in your shoes, even though it was several years ago. What I want to tell you is that, based on my experience, once you grieve this change your heart will open to a whole new phase of life. You'll adjust. And you will also see your daughter become more of the beautiful soul she is...and as she grows into adulthood you will be amazed. Sounds cliche', but trust me, it is true!
ReplyDeleteYour photo really sums it up very well.
Blessings to you as you move through this time.
Touching words and touching, beautiful photograph!
ReplyDeleteRelating to every word! Although our youngest still has to leave the nest, I can't imagine it.
ReplyDeleteWhen my first son left for university I counted the days when he would come back to visit for a weekend.Second son left and I had high hopes that it will be easier- it is not! The closeness of daily life and routine is gone....they are passing through.Grown up and more independent they are...everything you want them to be.But still....
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with your words. In a couple of weeks my daughter will be heading to Japan for a year to study abroad and while I too have worked out every scenario in my head, when it comes time to put her on that plane I know that my heart will be skittering and it will take every ounce of energy to keep the tears back. We crossed the bridge of sending her 14 hours away for college and it went better than anticipated, so hopefully this next loosing of the strings will go as smoothly. This parenting thing is harder than it looks.
ReplyDeleteWhat a poignant photo.
oh yes...I know exactly how you are feeling right now. We prepare them for this moment of their lives...but there is no way to prepare ourselves. Such a beautiful photo of your daughter. You have captured the prompt perfectly!
ReplyDeleteSo so beautiful, Sherri.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I think it's a completely normal part of motherhood and I can't imagine ever getting past that feeling! My oldest moved out 2 years ago and I feel the same way every single time she leaves. I guess that's a side affect of loving our children. Your photo of your daughter is beautiful. It makes me think of the line from I Hope You Dance...."I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean". And it also captures the emotions in Both Sides Now. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful beach photo
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, Sherri.
ReplyDeleteI've been there and can recall how my heart hurt when my son went off to college.
Gorgepus pictue!
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Oh my goodness, do I understand ...it had only been a week and we couldn't take it....we took a day trip to see her this past weekend and she was so happy! Being a holiday weekend she was all alone as her other 3 roommates had left for the weekend. This is definitely a very slow adjustment for all of us!! {{hugs}}
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